we were in a city we didn't live in.

i was glad we weren't home because of anxiety about the people who lived above us who were loud at night when we were sleeping.

other things made me anxious that i do not remember.

i wouldn't tell you that whatever they were they probably had to do with something bothering you and me not being able to help.

i felt like it was impossible to ignore something that was outside of my control.

it occured to me that this was a problem i was having and not somehow the presence of whatever it was that made you unhappy.

we stayed in a hotel and i waited in the car for you to check in.

i watched empty parking spaces and the street that was calm and depressing due to a small amount of traffic passing at intervals that worked somehow to increase the feeling of loneliness.

you had already said that it was cloudy i'm sure.

we had driven for a while after you said this without saying anything.

it is an impossible fate to escape, the fact that it isn't sunny or rainy or interesting at all to be outside.

we bought clothes and it felt in the hotel like it had some other time when we had made purchases and tried everything on.

we had traded pants and felt excited about wearing each other's jeans.

but then we got dressed again and i wore a cardigan i had bought on sale and we drove again and listened to music and it felt better i know because we had the comfort of the hotel room that made it less important to have something to be doing.

it was early and downtown was gray and this was somehow due to the construction we had passed on the highway.

but the restaurant was warm and empty and it felt like a place where waiters lived and we liked standing to wait for a table.

it was calming watching the hostess move without looking at us and listening to the noise from the kitchen which was quiet and sounded like maybe just one person not knowing what to do.

we ate vegetarian thai food that we liked and that did not remind us of vegetarian thai food we had had before.

we drank wine that maybe the waiter had suggested i can't remember.

i knew when we were eating that there would be the problem of finding a place to buy the right kind of dessert.

this was an easy sort of problem to have that would be postponed by drinking the wine slowly and thinking of another thing to say about whatever we were saying.

if one night we drove to the concert we were thinking of driving to then it was likely we would stand for some hours next to each other and around many other people.

we have been to too many concerts for me to remember if we drove to this one i'm sorry.

but i know we felt good about going back to the hotel room and looking at the tv and feeling sleepy.