I want a machine to tell you who
you are. Like a psychoanalyst in a box machine. That will tell you what you mean
and what your crazy ticks are and how you're specially odd just like everyone,
and when it told you this you would say uhmmm, uhuh, how did you know, I did
not realize this but it is right, and you would insert quarters in a slot for
more insightfulness, like a peep show box, happy happy and could you keep going
a little longer, ooh, say why I never flush the toilet, ooh ooh. You would keep
inserting quarters. You would keep inserting quarters and you would learn more
and more things you didn't know and then you realized you did, until you got so
surprised from all that noticing yourself that you died. You are very curious,
machine would say at your deathbed and you would say yes, yes, you read my
mind, and then the machine would become a world famous fortune teller, and get
the nobel peace prize, and win the olympics and best porn director, but the
pope would call it sacrilege because it is only a machine, which is so racist,
so no catholics would get to use it except for american catholics because they
are not really catholic, and they would use it and start hearing gospels out of clicks
and beeps until machine was hallelujahed god, and then the crusades would start
again because muslims would say, hell no, we aint worshipping no voodoo
mechanical thing, but the catholics would just burn them and not say sorry
until three hundred years later when they would say very very sorry with
fingers crossed and a picture of allah for their evening toilet paper. The
world would explode from allah rage and machine would be promoted to king of
the universe. He would be happy and lazy and every time he farted titanium
stars would pop out. THE END, did not know I was telling a story.