i comb my armpit hair until it is an exact replica of a steel arrowhead. i do this to both of my underarms. i do not use gel or hairspray or hair glue to keep it in place. this is an example of my expertise craft in combing hair. the hair on my head is combed into a giant vagina. it is the hairdo of post-post modern youth. if i am walking around and i need to greet people i bow really hard and fast and the vagina-hair sculpture on my head consumes their face. my pubic hair is combed into a massive fist. i can fuck two people at once with this feature. i am combing my armpit hair until it is an exact replica of a steel arrowhead so when i lift my arms up i can stab people by falling sideways on them. i am imagining myself walking through the streets, lifting up my arms, and stabbing people with my steel arrowhead-molded armpit hair. both my arms are up as if i've just scored a goal in soccer or i am a referee giving someone a red card except both my arms are up so i am giving the person two red cards. i can hug people around the neck and slice their heads off and have my vagina-hair sculpture consume it. i am going to steal hair growth products from the drug store and rub them all over my body. i will take rogaine baths and then i will have enough hair to be able to mold my entire body into a giant dildo-hair sculpture and launch myself into someone's rectum.
i am standing in front of the mirror looking at my massive penis giving myself two thumbs up and making a face that communicates i have been successful in satisfying the illusion of augmenting my already superior ego. after thirty seconds i put my arms down and stare at my massive penis. it is no longer a tower. it is falling. it is going from a stalactite to a stalagmite. or is it the other way around? my penis is a stalactite orbiting my body. my penis is a stalagmite orbiting my body. my penis is only massive because it has five thousand pounds of play-doh molded onto it. to try to maintain my erection i make laser noises like i do when i watch star wars or star trek or any other time i am watching the space channel and my massive penis bobs up and down but it is still a falling tower/stalactite/stalagmite. the play-doh slips off and i have no penis anymore. my mother walks in and asks why i have no penis, why there are five thousand pounds of play-doh on the floor, why i am not surfing the internet looking at women insert massive fruits and vegetables genetically modified specifically for vagina penetration/obliteration. i tell her i am going to massive penis attack her face if she doesn't shut up. she doesn't shut up; she says she is not going to shut up. she continues to ask questions. i close my eyes and concentrate and think about massive penis attacking her face. she asks me what i am doing. she tells me to stop what i am doing. she says her face feels hot, her face wants to explode. i say MASSIVE PENIS ATTACK really quietly and make laser noises and her head explodes and her neck turns into a flaccid penis and i take it and i put it where my old penis used to be and i say massive penis attack successful.